The diary of an Ash

Shocked

2011-12-06T16:55:00.001-08:00

How can someone feel so unloved, disrespected and uncared for all in one time? Honestly, I am crying inside today as I feel those things all at the same time. I feel that the person I love don't even respect me, did not even warn me that someone I do not yet wish to see is actually in the same event as me. I feel violated and trapped. I am not prepared on how to react. Now, I felt that I want to break the relationship. I am already insecure about his love and then I will see him and that someone when I am not emotionally unprepared. I don't like what they did to me I just wish that someone who is wise enough have told him to warn me. I feel not ok. I am not fine. I am tired of waiting that this someone that I love would love me back. Today, I stopped reaching out. I stopped running after him. Today, I am letting him free and giving him a choice to run after me.

Happiness

2011-09-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

Masaya ako today kahit inaantok ako parang may kakaibang energy na nananalaytay sa aking mga dugo kung saan may parang enerhiya ako na masaya ako. Paano kahit halos 2 weeks irritable sha sa akin or kasi dahil may ginagawa sha at indi nya matapos ay bumawi naman sha kagabi at bonggang nakapag unli at walang humpay na tawag ng tawag sa akin. Nakakatuwa kasi kahit anong mangyari ako pa din ang inuuna nya ako pa din ang iniintindi nya nasabi ko na ang trauma ko at naintindihan nya ako walang makakapantay sa pagiintindi sa taong iyon. Sa pangkalahatan kahit ano pang mangyari sa amin kampante shang sa kanya ako babalik kasi alam niyang kaya niya ako intindihin at ako naman ay ganun din sa kanya. Napag usapan na namin ng masinsinan napagdiskusyonan na ng tama at ako ay masaya sa mga nangyayari masasabi kong kuntento ako.

Service.

2011-08-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

I express my love through service. I give my all to the person I love. Even if sometimes I can no long tolerate the bratty things that my loved ones is doing. But I think that is the unique quality that I have. I can make a person feel special because of what I am doing for that person though most of the time my service is not appreciated and it damn well hurts. I am a crybaby so when I remember this it makes me teary eyed. But come to think of it service is what makes me happy. Service is my form of giving love or giving back to those who appreciate me so I guess I must not become tired of doing this. And I think I should get back with my spiritual job too as well I think its about time to serve again and party. With all the things happening with the people I love and the great things that they are receiving from papa God then I guess, I really need to payback.

Today

2011-06-06T22:29:00.001-07:00

I just want to stop eating. So full. :(

Inspirado.

2011-05-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am so inspired today! I am so happy talking with my friends. They make me feel life. They make me think. They make me appreciate life more. I am so blessed to have friends who will support me. I am so grateful and honored to have friends who have passion. Friends who will not judge you but encourages you. Thank you lord for the inspiration.

Napapaisip

2011-05-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

Minsan, napapaisip ako kung ano na nga ba ang gusto ko? Sa totoo lang gusto ko magkaron ng work na makakasustento sa akin hanggang sa tumanda ako. Gusto maging Ina. Gusto ko mag karon ng pamilya at asawa na maiintindihan ako. Gusto ko ng pamilya na susuportahan ako. Sa ngayon nalulungkot ako dahil minsan nararamdaman ko na minamaliit ako ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Minamaliit nila ang mga desisyon na pinili ko. Ipinamumukha nila na mababaw lang ang gusto ko. Ang sa akin lang naman gusto ko ng simpleng buhay. Kung sa kanila indi sapat iyon edi sana wag na lang nilang insultuhin ang gusto ko sa buhay. Nakakalungkot kapag pinamumukha sayo na hindi mataas ang pangarap mo. Parang naiisip ko tuloy kahit kelan indi naman ako nang insulto ng pangarap o desisyon ng tao. Bakit kelangan na kapag nagkakasakitan ako ang pinagmumukhang indi marunong maisip? Siguro nga simple lang akong tao at simple lang ang gusto ko pero sana naman wag nyo laitin ang desisyon ko. Ganto kasi ako eh. Ganto ang gusto kong mundo. SIMPLE.

Away.

2011-05-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman nun nagkasagutan kami. Nung isang gabi nag away na naman kami. Nasabihan na naman ako ng makulit. Alam ko naman eh dahil sa insecurities ko na naman kaya nagkakaganun. Feeling ko kasi lagi shang maagaw ng iba. Alam ko mali ang nararamdaman ko. Alam ko may pagkukulang ako. Siguro marahil dapat bigyan ko ulit ng pagmamahal ang sarili ko.

Sa totoo lang, iniwan ko phone ko kahapon sa bahay namin para wag sha maitext. Ito na din ang way ko para wag sha makulit. Ang nakakatuwang parte dito ay sha naman ang text ng text. Siguro alam nya din ang mga sinabi nya sa akin. Nag usap kami kahapon ng gabi at nakapag paliwanag na sha ng side nya, ako din nakapagpaliwanag na din. Sabi ko na nga ba may sakit sha. Ganun naman sha kapag meron shang dinaramdam. Sabi nya sa akin pasensha na daw kasi masama daw pakiramdam nya tas sumabay pa ako.

Alam ko marami pang times na maiirita sha sa akin dahil sa kakulitan ko at sa kakitidan ko minsan ng utak. Parang kagabi lang nag busy lang ang phone nya nairita na naman ako. Aminado naman ako na selosa ako pero para sa kanya handa na ako magbago.

Ngayon nga kahit gustong gusto ko na sha kulitin pinipigilan ko na sarili ko kasi pano ka mawawalan ng trust sa taong pinapakita sayo na katiwa-tiwala sha? Kaya malamang kelangan ko ulit magbago at mag shift ng paradigm para tumagal at tumino ang relasyon namin.

Mahal ko sha walang pikit mata kong sasabihin sa buong mundo. Bakit? dahil sa simpleng dahilan na kaya nya akong intindihin kahit na minsan ako mismo indi ko maintindihan sarili ko.

Check list to have a great year

2011-05-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

Here are my checklist for a happier new year! I hope I am not yet late in posting this as it is already half the year. Will edit this with comments after I have accomplished one of these tasks. This is all for now.

1. Laugh with inspiring friends at least once a week or more

2. Have Mentors in the most important areas of your life

3. Walk 30 minutes a day

4. Use your talents for God by serving in a ministry

5. Invest 20% of your income every month

6. Read one inspiring book a month

7. Cut TV watching to the barest minimum (Zero is a good number)

8. Limit newspaper reading to 5 minutes or less a day

9. Take vacations often

10. Eat fruits for breakfast

11. Always have a salad for lunch and dinner

12. Start a business (or improve your business) this year

13. Always be grateful to God and others

14. Always live by your deepest values

15. Spend time with God everyday

16. Play with your kids at least once a day (If you don’t have any, borrow.)

17. Have a weekly date with your spouse (If you don’t have any, don’t borrow!)

18. Date your parents regularly

19. Before you sleep, remove all anger by forgiveness

20. Be the kindest person you can be

21. Find your passion and live it fully

22. Give more hugs (and receive as many)

23. Listen to understand, not to reply

24. Celebrate more often

25. Put people over projects

26. Enjoy quiet and solitude

27. Always give 10% of your income to God

28. Keep dreaming

Copied from http://goragirl.blogspot.com/2011/01/from-bro-bo-29-simple-things-you-can-do.html and originally from http://bosanchez.ph/29-simple-things-you-can-do-to-have-a-fantastic-2011/

Usap

2011-05-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

Bago na bf ko ngayon. Nagbreak na kami nung isa ung dati sa 2006. Bale ba he walk away. Anyways, enough of that. Gusto ko ngayon ikwento yung Angel ko ngayon. Si Angel ang bago kong bf bale ba isang taon na kami. So far, masaya yung relation. Gusto ko nang ienjoy kasi napatunayan na nyang kaya nya ako maintindihan. Mahal ko sha. Saktong mahal lang kasi kapag nabasa nya to at nalaman nyang sobra, tiyak! may sermon na naman ako sa kanya katulad kagabi, may ginawa akong kagaguhan. Bale ba nakatulog sha at inakala kong iniisnub nya lang ako at ayaw kausapin. Ayun, warla mode ako ang daming text at miscalls. Nakatulog na ako nun pero nun magising ako may mga sagot na sha sa text ko at masasakit din un kasi ang dami masasakit na salita ang nagmula sa akin tungo sa kanya at sa kanya sa akin. Nung una nagtext ako sa kanya kung pede kami mag usap tapos parang ayaw niya pero nun tumawag na ako tapos nakapagkwentuhan na kami ayun! kahit lobat na ung kanyang cellphone nagawa nya pa din makipagkwentuhan sa akin. Saya nga eh grabe he is really a boyfriend to me because he explain things and make me understand stuff that sometimes I am immature about. He is over my league but still he was engaging and attentive with what I want and what I do and how I react. He compliments me and I compliment him in return. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas na kahit masama ugali ko kaya pa din nyang sabayan. Im so thankful with our usap this morning (kasi 1:30-3:30, May 13 2011). Masaya kasi he gave me what I crave for and he entertained me. Kilala nya ako and I guess, I should stop being paranoid and crazy for he really knows and understands how I tick. All smiles for you my Angel. Thank you so much.

Crazy gal...

Passions

2011-05-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Ms. Liz Uy's interview with a cosmo staff. The article is about how Liz Uy became a stylist. I was amaze that she never expected to be in the industry but it is her passion.

Now, as I am thinking for myself. I keep on asking what is my passion? What makes me think and become ecstatic? How come in the 7 years that I am working I dont really find that sense of fulfilment? Then realization hit me while I am writing this entry. My passion is writing, eating, selling and anything about creating.

I remember loving the codes in creating a website. I remember how writing keeps my brain awake, keep me smiling from ear to ear. I remember being childlike when eating a yummy cake. I remember my first time selling my mom's cake in our mini bakery years ago. I remember helping an uncle of my dad in sari-sari store when we were in Batangas. He was amaze with how I sell things.

Now, my question is how come I took this long to realize that I have a gift ? I thought that I am a plain Jane until I started writing this blog. I dont know how will this realization affect me but somehow, I am slowly knowing who I am.

Today.

2011-04-26T23:21:00.000-07:00

the picture above is from http://pohetree.wordpress.com/2011/03/

Well today was a typical day for me. Mainit, sobrang init ngayon sa Pilipinas. Grabe halos kahit nasa aircon ka na pinagpapawisan ka pa din. Masakit sa ulo ung init so wala ako sa mood pero at least mejo productive pa naman hay... wala lang. Today lang gusto ko ng pink lipstick naglagayna ako kaninang umaga, ngaun naman gusto ko ng nude lipstick. Ang gulo tlaga ng utak ko at indi ko minsan alam ang gusto ko hehehe.

Minsan.

2011-04-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

Kapag ganitong mga panahon na lagi ako nagiisip at nag aalala parang ito ung time na kelangan ko talaga ng bakasyon. Isang bakasyon kung saan mapapahinga talaga ako, yung tipong may magandang dagat tapos nakahiga lang ako sa buhangin at langoy lang ng langoy. Kapag gusto ko na kumain may isang waiter na maghahahain ng pagkain ko. Gusto ko din sumakay ng eroplano para naman mabago ang aking pag tingin sa mundo. Siguro kapag nakasakay ako sa eroplano mas maappreciate ko ang mga ulap at bughaw na kalangitan. Hay, sarap siguro magbakasyon paminsan minsan lang.

Birthdays

2011-03-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today is grandma's birthday and she is already 79. I am so happy as she is getting stronger everyday. We will have a dinner tonight at home. A simple get together. We will have spaghetti, mechado, pork barbecue and buko salad. This will be a great night! I will enjoy myself and tomorrow, well burning of fats will be the subject of the day. Teehee! ^_^

Answers

2011-03-24T01:22:00.000-07:00

Before I was asking god, why do I have to feel this pain? Am I not a good person? When will my prince come? Will I ever meet my soul mate? Then BOOM! 2010 has come. God answered my prayer and questions, when he delivered my prince to me.

It was a boring day and I don't know what to do. My friend who always accompanies me to the mall have left and I don't know where to contact her or if she is available that time. So, the bored me decided to just play a pc game. The moment I reboot my computer, my mobile phone rang and I received a message from an old friend. He asked me how I am, how is my life as we have lost communication for over 2 years already. I couldn't believe that he still remembers me and still considers me as a close friend since we have not gotten any connections for a long period of time. After chatting sometime, he asked me if he could court me and I allow him to.

To be honest, I am not ready to have a boyfriend that time since I know that I am not yet complete and still enjoys the single life that I have found. Yep! you read it right the girl who is aggressively looking for a partner has enjoyed being single! Yes! it was fun being single!

Then days passed and I started liking him more. Well, actually I do liked him two years ago when we were still close but sadly I am still committed to my ex-bf that falling in love with him is a bad idea. I never thought that he will be the one but then he was there asking me to be his girl.

Funny, that I never thought that he would come my way. That he will be the one who will not only fill the void but also created a larger space in my life. He is not just a lover but also a friend. He will never know how much healing he has done in my life and yet he continuous to do so by his simple gestures due to concern. I love him more than he will know and more that I could show. I guess this was the answer to my prayer and the reason things has to be experienced before. I am smiling now. I am contented. I am enjoying myself. We have already surpass our one year and still counting. I cant wait to unfold what adventure we will have next. ^_^

Unknown Reasons

2011-03-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

Before I ever begin blogging, I was in a state of shocked due to my break up with my 4 years boyfriend. I am looking desperately for another man to fill in the space he has left me with. That space was so void and hallow that my soul cries for someone to fill it in. Until now when I remember that void, tears still sting my eyes. It was a hurtful event that leave me so devastated that until now I can feel its impact on me. Maybe, I did really love him that much to feel such pain that remembering it still makes me cry. Sometimes, when we face such thing that we don't know if we ever come out victorious are the ones that make our life change 360 degrees. But then again, when we faced these things the best thing to do is turn to god and have faith that there is a reason behind it all. As the saying goes, "Everything has its reasons".

Funny

2011-03-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

I cant believe that it has already been 3 years since I started blogging about my thoughts, my fears, my angst, my headaches, my happiness and my success. Many has changed in my life since 2008. I started serving God in 2009 and promise to myself to have a relationship in 2010 which happened as I did got myself a boyfriend that until now we are going stronger. Yeah, life is good but not that good. My third brother have been married last July 2010. I almost got a niece but she died even before she sees the world. Well, its so hard and sad trial but we must move on right? Then came cloud the cute shi tsu. He is the baby now in our family. I am happy to read my past blogs. I energizes me. It helps me know what I am 2 years ago and the funny thing is I have a lot of sense and sadness before. I did have a lot of questions like where is my prince charming and if I will ever even move on.

Today, as I am writing this entry. I did have an answer to my questions and yeah, god really do have a bright plan for me. He did answer my prayers.

First step

2009-09-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

I am creating a dream blog right now. I am super happy and excited about it. My heart beats is pounding so hard when I first came with the idea and almost gave me a heart attacked when we have already have a go on the plan. I dont know where would this take me but I am grabbing the opportunity. I love to write and I love food so I guess I will give justice to the niche that I have chosen. ^_^

I am thankful for

2009-07-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well there are many things that has been happening in my life and most of them are depressing but instead of thinking this way I would rather think of the things that makes me happy and the blessings I have received. I am so thankful for my family, my friends, my cousins for being there. for my job that is helping me to provide my own needs. Thank you!!!!...

Finding my niche

2009-06-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

grabe I think now a days I am finding what I really want to do with my life. Masaya ako kasi naman this is my otherself. this is where I could tell the world about my dreams about what runs into my mind and find myself. Hahahaha nakakatawa nag iicp na ako ngaun mga kaparaan paraan na ways para naman makaahon sa pagiging isang day time employee... weird noh? pero I want something more out of my life and I will do something to have financial freedom. Dahan dahan onti onti I know I will get by and I will be financially free but first I must find my own niche first :)

True Hope

2009-05-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

Hay... after suppressing my feelings for the longest time I am now back in blogging... weird coz the reason I have stopped its because of my feelings that I have not yet analyze and arrange but now I am back with a vengeance hahaha :) Just joking... I am back better than before.

Maybe who ever will read this blog will be confused as the sentences are not really coercing with each other.

Yosh! Ayun sha balik na sa tunay kong lengguwahe. Masaya ito!!! bumalik na naman ako sa blogging pero ayun oh sana mapagpatuloy ko na kaso sa hectic ng schedule ko ewan ko hahahaha ewan ko ba basta magiging ito na talaga ang hingahan ko pra naman meron din akong breathing ground hahahah weird masaya ako... cguro dahil I have found my true hope. hindi ito tao pero I felt that I am hopeful because this time around I have already found god. I am at peace because I am starting to get close to him. Ang saya na makilala sha na mapalapit sa kanya pero alam mo mahirap kc nga po... mas lalo kang lumalapit mas lalo kang may trials. Isipin mo nga nun time na decided na ako meron biglang naging problema sa family ko. Yung bunso kong kapatid nagkasakit simple lagnat na nauwi sa mas marami pang sakit. Pero alam mo nakakatakot kc ang daming findings pero alam mo ba ang daming nakitang sakit nya. Ang taas ng triglycerides nya tapos may fatty liver pa sha hay... ayun nga pero ang weird tinitignan ko sha as blessing. Because of that, mukhang naging close pa family ko, ngaun mas naaappreciate nila yung 3rd brother ko kc nga aun nakikita nila kung gaano kabait. tapos ako din I have to do my best in order to help... sana nga eh maging ok na talaga ang lahat natatakot pa din ako for the future pero still... I know dapat I try to do my best whatever happens kc un ang tama at ung makukuha ko sa pag gawa ng best ko ang alm kong makakatulong sa amin. I am aiming high now this is what I prayed for and i know god will help me attain it. :)

I just needed this.

2009-04-11T15:58:00.001-07:00

Well, honestly, I just needed to blog. I just needed to smile a bit and let all my feelings out. I am totally not happy but I am not totally sad either, I guess, I am in between. ^_^ I don't know where I want to go as of this moment and I want to pick the pieces of myself that has been dried down. I want to improve myself and start a makeover. I am thinking, is there a really possibility for us? If you are not even willing to try?...

Eto un eh...

2009-02-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Hay naku nang pumasok ako kanina sa ofc masaya ako. Ayos ako. May pa meditate meditate pa nga ko sa bahay eh. Lhat ng parte ng katawan ko masaya. Tapos nabalitaan ko na nakita na nung friend ko ung ex ko. So far, masaya naman ako kc eyesore ang sabi nya so therefore technically masaya na akong malaman na nasa mabuting kalagayan un aking magaling na ex na nang iwan sa akin. Anyways, tingin ko makakapag move on na talaga ako ng husto. As in todo na talaga. Kaya ko na shang kalilmutan kc nagagalit na ako eh. Ang tanga tanga ko kung hihintayin ko pa sha. Ay naku! manigas sha noh! alam ko balang araw hahabulin nya din ako. hehe...
feeling ko nga ngaun palang iniicp nya na ako eh. Hinahanap na nya ung pag aalaga ko sa kanya. Kung tutuusin kaya naman nilang maging masaya araw araw. Wala akong hard feelings na-hurt lang talaga ako.

Anyways, ngaun pagkagcng ko naiinis naman ako. OO nasa trabaho ako at dapat ako magtrabaho kaso parang naiicp ko kapag ang dami daming pinapagawa sau nawawal ka sa focus tapos kapag ganun tatamarin ka na. Hay, ayoko sana ng gantong feeling pero parang gusto ko sumigaw sabay sabing AYOKO na! hehe I quit! Binebenta ko na ang project ko! Ibang project na gusto kong hawakan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe... pero sa totoo lang tong project kong to mahal ko na. Kc dito ako maraming natutunan. Dito ako naging intindidong tao sa trabaho kaya indi ko ipagpapalit tong project ko sa ibang project. Kahit sumasakit na ulo ko. Kahit minsan gusto ko nang iuntog sa desk ko dahil indi ko maicp ang sagot bakit nag kakaron ng aberya. Gusto ko to kc dugo't pawis isama na ang taba sa pundasyon ko sa project na ito. Hay... nawawala lang talaga ako sa focus. hehehe... pero at least nablog ko na sha kaya mejo maiibsan na ung pakiramdam na katams. hehehe... sha tapusin ko lang ung trabaho ko...

Raw Impossibility.

2009-01-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

Until now after one year I still am asking myself what went wrong. What happened between us and now, I can truly say that I miss you so much that I wish I could track you down and ask you to come back. Sick right? Though I know that there is nothing more to get back. It is over. It is final. You have finally moved on with your life and found another gal. I must confess that til now I am wishing for you to come back. I think this is the symptom of loving too much and being left out without exhausting all means to fix things up. Its so damn hard getting back to the way things are before but I must keep on moving keep on reminding myself that this is for the best even if it is really wrecking my heart and my mind.

I love you so much until now it hurts. I love you so much that all I am waiting is for you to arrived at my door step and ask me to come back. That's all that I am wishing for.

But then again, this is impossible.

Acceptance

2008-12-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

Today, I want to cry so loud that my throat would hurt from it. Shout so bad that my voice will be gone. I have found and yet I have lost but somehow I know I will find that person whom I am wishing for. I am so thankful for the things that I have. So thankful for the things that I have realized and longing for. I hope that one day I will find you. I am sad because I think I am too late. Thanks. All I am asking is friendship and you give me one but I am also hoping that it will be more than that I thought you are the one but I am wrong again so now I am closing the chapter where I am looking and end it. I guess an old flame is thicker, a present paramore is much stronger than a newly arrived one.

One day.

2008-12-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well as of this moment, I am missing to have a boyfriend... yep you heard it. I miss to have someone to think about and to look me in the eye as if I am the prettiest girl on the planet. I miss having him per se. I miss the times when we will go out. We have fun with just strolling around the mall. We just enojy being with each other. I thought we were happy but I was wrong. He is actually looking for something more. Someting exciting and something new. He left me and leave a void in my heart that until now I dont know if will heal. I am trying to move on... I have let go... and I am not thinking of what ifs but I am actually feeling the pain trying to confront it and eventually heal it in the process. I hope this heartache journey will ease. I am jealous of the people who are happy with their relationships. I am jealous with those people who have someone right now. I am jealous with every couple that I see strolling about. But I know someday I will get by. Somehow, I will be ok and fine. One day at a time. One day.

Rejection - A treacherous poison

2008-12-20T21:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes opportunities present itself on our face and our courage overcome us to do what we really wanted but then when we are in the verge of doing it you think of rejection and become scared and wanted to cry as you dont know what you want anymore. You started to doubt yourself. Your confidence fade and all that consume you is fear of being rejected so you pass the chance thinking there are another time, another opportunity that will come your way... then you realize its the only chance you've got the only thing that you can grab to make your dream a reality... then you regret it. You make another perfect chance but there is nothing left.. the chance has passed by... and destiny has been made. Now, there is only one thing to do and that is to hope and pray that someday fate gives you another chance that you will not be able to regret not doing.

On higher understanding...

2008-12-14T16:42:00.000-08:00

I know I have been a bad girl and I guess I need to stop what I am doing right now. I need to refresh my year stop giving criticisms to people. I need to stop before it plague my whole being before everything crumbles to my feet. I need to reorganize my life and start being nice. I need to do this for my benefit because negativity is bad and caring so much for non-sensible things aren't good. I want to be free of any guilt of any distractions. I just need to be the old me. The plain girl who is afraid to give her opinion. The girl who has her mind on her head. I need to heal myself and stop triggering negativity to one person. I need to appreciate people and see things positively. I need to get away from the wrong feelings and for giving wrong feedbacks. I need positivity and I need it now. I guess that what I will do.

I guess I will change for the better^_^

Birthdays and blues..

2008-11-10T08:37:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!!! yippee!!! I am 24 single and happy. For the first time in four years I felt so alive so full of life so happy as many people have given me so much... not through their gifts but because they are there to celebrate another new year in my life. I am so blessed and happy to have such a wonderful life after so many hardships I had during the first months of this year and now the blessings are pouring in... while the heart aches and tears has been washed away... I am so thankful with the people I have right now in my life. Those who have left me I know have already served their purpose... I am happy with the experiences that I have for the past years but I am more than thankful now.
Happy birthday to me! I wished for many birthdays to come... more hardships... more failures.. more happiness... more successes and more blessings!
Thank you papa god for giving this to me. ^_^
I will always be thankful.

Both sides now...

2008-11-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well I should have my birthday blues I should have been sad right? after so many years this is my first time to celebrate my birthday without a boyfriend. Oh! yeah some will say big deal?! but for me being in a four year relationship it is a big deal to celebrate my birthday and be totally happy with it without bitterness in the past.

I have never imagined that I will be super thankful instead of being bitter with everything that happened. Actually I feel so blessed why?

1. I have a loving family who is a crazy bunch
2. I have my loyal friends around me giving me support
3. I have a wonderful career

What more could I ask for? But I guess Im still not yet complete and God is still molding me to be the person that he wants me to... I am following him and I will trust him on this one.

He have saved me for more than a few times of troubles, confusion and heartbreak. And for everything I will forever be thankful that he is with me.

Feelings.

2008-11-07T12:32:00.000-08:00

I felt I am in heaven for the whole week. However, I am totally confused of what should I feel and how should I react with the feelings. I want friends na pede kong kwentuhan about this guy that I find so sweet and so nice. Though I havent seen him. I just have the best conversation I have in months with this guy and yet I told him that I just want friendship with the relationship. He is nice. He is a good cook. He knows household chores as in! ahaha. Yes! He is a man. My god, I dont know what should I do I think I have found my someone. But I am still thinking if it is right. It seems right though. Now I am confused on what to think. Hay... ano ba to nakakatawa naman as in super. I want to have a sweet friend and yet I am hindering myself na maging sweet sa kanya kahit clear na friends lang talaga kame. Hay... nakakatakot!....

Back to basics

2008-10-24T16:07:00.001-07:00

Hmmm... what?! I am a girl.. I like make-ups! From the most expensive to the cheapest. I been addicted to make-up labels such as Avon, Maybelline and etc. I loved the Nichido eyeliners, I have it in different colors. I have so many different lip glosses and lipsticks from Avon, lip balms from Skin Foods. Have tried the foundations and face powder of Maybelline and Face Shop. I have blushes of Careline. I have tried Ellana and Elegant Minerals mineral makeup.

But you know what? I have learned that no matter what brand, what makeup you choose to have, this will not make you a better person or have a fairer facial skin unless you really wash your face before you go to sleep and when you take a bath. Also, you need to moisturizers that are chemically compatible with your skin type. These are the regimen for clearer fairer facial skin. While the recipe for having a better personality is to have a purpose or to have something to look forward to everyday. Having your family close by and friends to talk to. Mingling with different types of people, exercising your ass off and being happy without any reasons at all. These things are crucial to better understanding of yourself. People need other people to grow because people criticizes one another and through these criticisms, shortcomings are met.

Our goals should not only be to have a beautiful face, to have a wonderful boyfriend/husband, be successful in work or to be famous but to really serve god, to please him in one way or another. What we need now are people who are willing to share what talent God has given them. As you can see around the world, people who dare to share their talents are the one who are successful as they are doing what they are meant to do. They really didn't expect to be wealthy but since they are doing what they love to do and what they are MEANT to do, they are successful.
So what I really am trying to say here is if you really want a nice body, a nice home, a nice car, a successful life... what you need to do is go back to basics which is to think on pleasing GOD. When you think this way, you will be less stressful and you will live happily as you'll have a different perspectives. And don't they say happy people are the ones who are really attractive and most successful on them all?

Quotes from Bob Ong books

2008-10-24T11:44:00.003-07:00

PAG-IBIG
"Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."
"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."
"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."
"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."
"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo… Dapat lumandi ka din."
"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."
"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."
"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."
"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?"
"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."
"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin!
Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay!
Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"
PAG-AARAL
"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."
"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka.
Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan..."
"Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."
"Dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung 'di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit. sobrang lugi. kung alam lang 'yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang
gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela."
BUHAY (IN GENERAL)
"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."
"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."
"Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."
"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi.
Wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon.
Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"
"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."
HALO-HALO
"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance.
Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."
"ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko."
"hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"
"hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. "
"Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa'yo - ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao."
"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."
"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."
"Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala."
"iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala."
"iba ang informal gramar sa mali!!!"
" Para san ba ang cellphone na may camera? Kung kailangan sa buhay un, dapat matagal na kong patay."
"Pare, isa kang totoong tao at walang halong kasinungalingan. In English, FACT you, pare. Totoo ka. In English, FACT you!"

Hay....

2008-10-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

Argh!!!! napakaunfair ng life naiinis ako super ang unfair nya! bakit puro sagit na lang puro sagit ano ba yan! naiinis na ako nahihirapan na ako kelangan ko nga siguro mag lie low at mag dahan dahan sa mga pinaggagawa ko at mag papayat un na muna ang atupagin ko at mag ipon ng pera para sa pamilya ko? hay...

grabe akala ko meron na... wala pa din pala...

Just want to have fun.

2008-10-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

There now my pc is infected by a virus because of downloading... Argh!!!! I just want to watch a movie! A movie from a source like youtube.. and now what they just infected my pc!!!! argh! this is really too much! Now instead of watching movie... I am scanning my pc for viruses.... worms... and most of all spywares... oh bummer!

Pressured....

2008-10-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Waaaaaaaaaa there are so many things to finish... so many things to do... so many deadlines... I dont know what to do... I want to cry... I want to laugh... I want to scream... then I want to shut up... Argh! life is really such a pain when you are so stressed out but so much fun when you are relaxed... Well! Life is really a contradicting force after all.

GF and BF

2008-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

Well... well before I have a boyfriend and we had a relationship for 4 years. It was ok at first then it turned out sour. Maybe because I mature or maybe because we both change I dont know. Then one day he just left me without even saying goodbye, before I knew it he has another girlfriend. While me I have no idea what was coming until it hit me. I was totally devastated that it crushed me to the ground. I almost took my life because of it. But I have realized that I am more stronger than my problems.

Now, after 10 months, I can say that I have grown smarter, more mature and stronger than before. I am single but I am happy being one. I could say that I am more complete than before and I enjoyed life better. Though I am not really closing my door if someone will come along and accept me for what I am today.

I guess I will not bend to anyone unlees I am sure that the person will be my husband or we are engaged. haha...

Matchmaker... Fun or not?

2008-10-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... I couldn't believe it! I started matching making my friends! This started yesterday when one of my friends ask if I could match him to someone and I did think of somebody to match him with... now I am chatting with an old officemate who is also looking for someone and I did just the same though I dont know what will be the reaction of my friend as she is currently sleeping today. Well... I gotta find out later cause I will call her at the office and ask if it is ok.

Argh! bummer and I dont even have a guy on my own! Where the heavens does my prince charming is hiding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I need you badly you know!? hahaha! Just joking!

In saying goodbye and having a closure.

2008-10-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight by FM Static

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questionsall about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look upand know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen inand the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss youI can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss youI can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

Realizations. Purpose. Journey.

2008-10-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I am reading the purpose driven life and I have been thinking of one thing since then. It is not about living for yourself but living according to God's will.

It's so weird when I started reading it I felt goosebumps all over my body and I felt serene. It felt so right reading it this time. Yeah, you read it correctly... reading it this time. This is because there are so many times that I almost buy the book and even borrowed it from my aunt but never really read it. It triggered my headache, promise! So i stop reading it before I complete a whole page. But now, somehow I felt its so right, its so light to read and the good part is there are no headache at all.

I think the main lesson here is "there is always a time for everything". A time to be solemn. A time to be glad. A time to love and a time to heal our hearts. A time to make mistakes and a time to make amends.

I think this is what people need to learn... to take time and smell the roses. Sometimes we are so busy with our lives that we have complicated everything. We are so impatient to what will happen next that we try to fast forward eveything and yet in return we haven't got anything at all but bigger complications.... bigger problems. Then at the end of the day we realize that this is not what we want... this is not what we picture it to be. So we escape, we run and we pretend that we are happy. Then we become hollow... we become stiff... we become not contented... we become purposeless.

I guess what we all want is fulfillment not success nor fame. I guess this is where our journey starts... its in finding our purpose... in finding our truest passion.

Cannon...

2008-10-19T04:14:00.000-07:00

Well as of this moment I am so damn addicted with the cannon mp3 attached to this blog because its so soothing and it calm's my soul. Try it it will soothe you too. ^_^

Done at long last!!

2008-10-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

Now... now I know its girlie and stuff but no fussing over it thats how I want it to be... simple, colorful and so me... haha! well readers I am here to share some parts of my life and some lessons that I may have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy your visit here in my blog.

Argh my first

2008-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Nice totally nice... this is my first time to blog and yet I didn't know what to do with my site. I am a complete idiot... I am trying my best here to change the layout of my blog and yet nothing is happening!!! Argh!!! I need to study this thing in order for me to work accordingly... YOU may be laughing your heart out and yet my head is bleedingly aching! Damn it! ok back to changing my layout again. I hope this time I will be successful!

August 24, 2008

2008-08-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

Arrrrrrgggggggggh… wala na burado ng lahat ang old mp3s ko kahit ung stars are blind ung mga kung ano anog kaeklavuhan ko 24 na naman so meaning signus na ito na I need to refresh start clean. Start to pick up the pieces of my life where I let it off and go on my jolly ways. So eto na maghahanap na ako ng contentment in everything that I do. I need to do this or else indi na talaga ako makakapagmove on diba? I need to do this to be fair with my soulmate/future husband/future boyfriend. Dahil kung indi ko gagawin ang pag kalimut sa nakaraan kong feelings para kay coki patuloy pa din itong manunurture. I am starting to be happy now to forget about my last relationship. Gusto kong sabihing failed but then again would a learning experience be considered as a failure? I don’t think so… I am smartert, stronger and choosy now because of that I think I am ready to become a lady now.

April 27, 2008

2008-04-27T00:03:00.000-07:00

Hay wala na ung number nya. Pinaghirapan ko un ha!? Ano ba yan back to zero na naman ang lola mo. Walang alam na kung ano sa kanya. Ewan ko kung nabuking na ako pero wala naman din akong pakialam eh kahit na mabuking ako. All I want is to be friends with the guy mali na indi ako nagpakilala pero do I have any other choice? Well ok lang whatever I should have been honest edi sana ngaun ok kame. One week na lang mawawala na sila pero cge cool lang whatever. Ngaun eto sagutan na naman ewan ko ba bonding na ata sa bahay namin ang magsigawan eh. Hay, nakakapagod ang makipag away lalo na kapag lola mo ung kasagutan mo. Napapagod na ako. Sa totoo lang parang nawawala na ung lakas ng loob ko. Gusto ko lang naman mapalapit sa kanya eh. Mali ba un? Sana mabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na makilala sha.

April 23, 2008

2008-04-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hay malapit na naman pala ang monthsary naming ng ex ko 24 na bukas ang bilis ng panahon pero bat ganun noh? Eto pa din ako indi ko pa din sha mapalitan ganun ba talaga kapag nag mahal ka ng totoo?

Eto na naman ako indi na ako natuto. Nasasaktan ako kay ******* bakit kaya ganun noh? Sobrang like ko sha na parang indi ko na sha maalis sa sistema ko? Tapos ang dami pang factors na pinaglalayo kame. Nalulungkot ako sobra pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko? Syempre I need to let go naman the feelings kc I don’t think that he will like me. Super asshole sha sa text so naaapektuhan ako kc nahihiya akong lumapit sa kanya at baka sungitan nya lang din naman ako. Ayokong mag – hi nor mag say goodbye kc tiyak dudurugin ako ng mga kasama ko. Nakakatawa noh? Parang ako naman din ang may kasalanan kung bakit nagging ganto ang lahat kc pinagkalat ko. Pero ngayon indi ko alam kc nasasaktan ako eh at the same time parang napapaisip ako kung tama nga ba ang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko? Parang mali na? parang ako na naman ang dehado. Malas ko lang gwapo ang napili ko at model pa! Hay...

Ashie Signing on

2008-04-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Alathea signing on.
Tick… Tock… hmmm what should I say?...
I’ve done so many blogs in the past
til now I haven’t maintained anything yet…
But here it goes…

Everything was fine with my life until the day we broke up…

I was so devastated that I even go to our kitchen, get the knife and thought of cutting myself but guess what? I am stronger. I didn’t cut myself. I am stronger than my problem… that facing and solving a problem is just a part of life. I shouldn’t give up just because I have been broken. It was months ago since that incident happen and I could say I am fine now. Thanks to my family and friends. They did help me a lot in overcoming this phase in my life.

Now, I realize that loving someone whole heartedly is not a crime but loving too much is bad. Giving your attention, your time, investing efforts in one person who one day will throw it all back to you sucks but I guess its part of growing up thing because you will never mature unless you get hurt. You will never understand unless you love. You will never be strong unless you learn to move on.

Before I was afraid of being alone, I was very afraid that’s why I tried to be the best so that he will not leave but the more I tried to be the perfect someone… the more I was being neglected. Feeling like a trash in his life is not good on one’s ego… I even beg him to stay… he did but still leave me in the end. That time I thought life was so unfair but now, it’s just an experience for me and nothing more, nothing less.

I must confess I am now having a crush on someone who did not know I even existed. I want to get to know him first and be friends with him. I am considering in getting him for myself as a potential lover in the future but first I need to know him. I need to get close to him or else I wouldn’t entertain the thought. This time around I want to do it right. I want to do it slow. ^_^

Hinog sa pilit

2007-09-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

May mga bagay na minsan akala natin... wala tayong laban pero when you try and give your best shot... nalalaman na natin na meron pa pala tayong pedeng gawin para magkaron ng chance kahit one percent lang to prove ourselves... pero sometimes den when we think that we really have our chance at nakaungos ka na wala ka pa rin palang laban dahil there is still something missing in you... with that experience you will learn to be a strong person... you will learn the things that you think you dont have but someone see in you... sometimes kasi there is a tendency na tayo mismo ang nagda-doubt sa ating sarili pero by the end of the day... may makikilala tayong tao na magbibigay confidence sa atin that will leave a mark and will help you to move on... its a blessing that I have been a part of the list of the best people... I am so honored to be in that list... at least now I know that somehow down the road I've been better than before and somehow my best was appreciated... ngayon masaya ako... ewan ko kung bakit pero masaya talaga ako... tanggap ko na indi man ako ang napili at least somehow I prove na may ibubuga ako... its just that I lack the qualities that they need... for that I conclude that I need to develop myself further... without someone pushing me to be one when you are not yet ready... mas masarap ang bunga kapag hinog talaga kesa hinog sa pilit...

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

ngar....

2006-08-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

hay.... galit ako ngaun sa mundo badtrip boyfriend ko... naku pinagtaasan n nmn ako ng boses tapos un ngar thalahga hehehehehe... buti na lang indi nila nababasa itong account kong to kundi lagot ako sa boyfriend ko malalaman nya na sumama na nmn ang loob ko sa kanya!!!!! naiinis ako sa kanya dahil kung minsan napaka insensitive nya sa feelings ko hay... why does he need to ruined something special?.... cge nga tell me.. cant understand thaalaga men species!!!!! ngar naasar na tlaga ako kaya buti na lang merong livejournal at least I can say everything that I feel =) now im quite ok... nagusap na kami ni bf for he is still quite grumpy ngar!!!! todo n ito!!!!!! asar tlga....

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

The chase

2006-08-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

hehehehe... hayay... you know what these past few weeks is great... as in sobra.... heheheh well una I meet a lotof friends but some I left and some I treasure... pano ba nang indi ko cla iiwan eh sinungaling sha so I dont give a shit... well ung isa nmn I almost treat hi as a closest friend because he trusts me... while with my relationship with my boyfriend is awesome! We did an incredible thing heheheheh we did an Aussie Kiss heheheheh well... oh... well this is really a week to celebrate hay....

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

Hayahy...

2006-06-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Hello there,

its been such a long time since I log in here... kahit siguro gustuhin kong araw arawing ang pag punta dito parang indi pede kc nmn eh naasa computer shop lang ako... at I am such a busy person... heheheheh charoz!!!!! any ways.... I just went here to update my journal....

alam mo ba nung june 10 and 11 ang most unforgetable date of mylife????? pano ba nmng hindi eh pag dating pa lang nmin ng banawe adventure na! imagine for the first time in my life naupo ako sa bubong ng jeep then umakyat ako ng bundok pa puntang village ng batad and bumaba ulit para lang makapunta sa city proper????? imagine that hiking and trekking combined in one day! tapos nagnight trekking pa for added bonus!!!! whew! what an adventure... tapos eto pa???? kinabukasan nagpunta nmn kami ng sagada and there we go scaving? (tama ba?) ah! basta nung time na un na experience ko nmn mag rock climbing and lapelling!!!! sows!!!! ang sarap sa feeling.. pero masakit sa katyawan heheheheheheh!!! JOkes!!!!!! pero the adventure was great and I am thinking to do the adventure all over again... however indi na ako babalik ng batad!!! hehehehehe =p

Pero alam mo kahapon... heart break nmn ang nakita ko sa friendster ng boyfriend ko... may isang gal na feeling nya eh there is something going on between her and my boy .... I dont know if totoo ang lahat... I am hoping against all odds na sweet lang tlga ang boyfriend ko... masakit syempre pero ano magagawa ko if there comes a time and my boy asks for his freedom then I think I should let him go....

kaya nga may first, second, may third eh para o give way for the fourth, the fifth and so on until dumating si mr. right... welll anyway at least now I am moving on slowly with my life and I am coping up with it... I just hope that when I get out of this current relationship... I would still believe in Love and the promise of happy endings that fairy tales have inserted on our brains....

Simple Gal...

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

Letter for someone

2006-03-26T21:44:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Alam ko kilala mo ko... Gusto ko lang malaman mo na kahit anong mangyari andito lang ako sa tabi... gusto ko malaman mo na ikaw ang pinakamamahal ko at patawarin mo ako kung minsan iba ang naipapakita ko sau... oo aminado ako importante sa akin ang pamilya ko pero indi ko ikakaila na importante ka din sa akin... Sana malaman mo kung gano ikaw kahalaga sa akin at matutuhan mo rin akong pahalagahan ... pero kahiot siguro indi mo ko matutunan pahalagahan mamahalin at susuportahan kita dahil sa simpleng rason na mahal na mahal kita na kahit ako na lang ang magdusa kakayanin ko... pero di pa din ako nawawalan ng pag asa na balang araw matutunan mo din akong pahalagahan... =)

Simple Gal

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

after two days...

2006-03-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

hay... I am soooooo busog hehehe I just took my lunch and now my stomach ache because of too much eating heheheheeheheh but anyway i do not regret it because I am stuff and I feel full.... hmmmm.... yummy.... so much for dieting hehehehehe... o yes... I am currently dieting but do not know how to start it right and how to lose my weight fast!!!!! i need it!!!! or else my future would be doomed... I wanna stay healthy and young ... I dont want any disease or ailment to hinder that... wat the heck... still im ok... hmmm... I am also sooooo alive because of my love... he woke me up again and guess wat... I have talk to him more than a minute and yes! I am so "kilig" when I talk with him hehehehe... so much for that....

hmmm... with regard to my career moves... I am quite shattered because I love where I am now but I know I need to move on as I need a carreer growth... I understand that having a career move means moving on and having a risk as you are now exiting your comfort zone but .... I wanna stay at my comfort zone and I do want to make most of it... welll... lets see... I ll keep you updated and posted... so for now it will be a hanging question of to be or not to be.... =p

simple gal...

(this from my old blog transferring to this blog)

One hellova day!!!... This is it!!!!

2006-03-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

thud... thud... thud.. my heartbeat is racing.... I cannot control it... (breath! breath!) Ohmigosh... im so happy!!!! yOU ASK WHY!!!!???!!!??? it is because of the simple reason that the love of my life woke me up this morning by calling my mobile phone and have a sweet chitchat with me... isn't sooooo sweet...?!? omigosh!!!! I am sooooooo overly happy with it... =p Im actually drooling now.... heheheh so much for being miserable yesterday... now I feel I am hyperactive... hehehehehe... though there are so many stuff that I still need to finish but guess... Im off with a good start and I am inspired with the MOMENT that I have experienced this morning....

Silly Girl

(this is from my old blog transferring to this blog)

All Virginal Blogs... My First Time

2006-03-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

yah... yah the subject is quite icky and does not sound bam! but wait up this is my first time to post a blog on this page so what the fuck... Im gonna write what i wanna write and to hell what the world thinks about it... so here it goes...

I love my life... its ok.. im fine with it...HOwever Im bored with it... I have a life and yet I could not feel it... even if i am slowly achieving what i have dreamed years ago... but then I am not that happy... It doesnt feel complete... I guess I am looking for something new while keeping the old ones... yeh maybe thats what is missing with my life... EXCITEMENT!!!! ... I wanna try new things and have an adventure with it... but i guess it is another dream I need to hold on to until... I would get the chance to fulfill it but as of the moment I guess I'll just stare up in the sky and hope that one day I will gonna find the greatest adventure of my life....

Silly me.... =)

(this is from my previous blog transferring to this blog.)