Acceptance

Today, I want to cry so loud that my throat would hurt from it. Shout so bad that my voice will be gone. I have found and yet I have lost but somehow I know I will find that person whom I am wishing for. I am so thankful for the things that I have. So thankful for the things that I have realized and longing for. I hope that one day I will find you. I am sad because I think I am too late. Thanks. All I am asking is friendship and you give me one but I am also hoping that it will be more than that I thought you are the one but I am wrong again so now I am closing the chapter where I am looking and end it. I guess an old flame is thicker, a present paramore is much stronger than a newly arrived one.

One day.

Well as of this moment, I am missing to have a boyfriend... yep you heard it. I miss to have someone to think about and to look me in the eye as if I am the prettiest girl on the planet. I miss having him per se. I miss the times when we will go out. We have fun with just strolling around the mall. We just enojy being with each other. I thought we were happy but I was wrong. He is actually looking for something more. Someting exciting and something new. He left me and leave a void in my heart that until now I dont know if will heal. I am trying to move on... I have let go... and I am not thinking of what ifs but I am actually feeling the pain trying to confront it and eventually heal it in the process. I hope this heartache journey will ease. I am jealous of the people who are happy with their relationships. I am jealous with those people who have someone right now. I am jealous with every couple that I see strolling about. But I know someday I will get by. Somehow, I will be ok and fine. One day at a time. One day.

Mens and christmas parties

Today is our xmas party at home and guess what I did win a lot of games such a happy day hehe though i am braving my dysmenorrhea. That's all

Rejection - A treacherous poison

Sometimes opportunities present itself on our face and our courage overcome us to do what we really wanted but then when we are in the verge of doing it you think of rejection and become scared and wanted to cry as you dont know what you want anymore. You started to doubt yourself. Your confidence fade and all that consume you is fear of being rejected so you pass the chance thinking there are another time, another opportunity that will come your way... then you realize its the only chance you've got the only thing that you can grab to make your dream a reality... then you regret it. You make another perfect chance but there is nothing left.. the chance has passed by... and destiny has been made. Now, there is only one thing to do and that is to hope and pray that someday fate gives you another chance that you will not be able to regret not doing.

Rejection

Sometimes opportunities present itself on our face and our courage overcome us to do what we really wanted but then when we are in the verge of doing it you think of rejection and become scared and wanted to cry as you dont know what you want anymore. You started to doubt yourself.

On higher understanding...

I know I have been a bad girl and I guess I need to stop what I am doing right now. I need to refresh my year stop giving criticisms to people. I need to stop before it plague my whole being before everything crumbles to my feet. I need to reorganize my life and start being nice. I need to do this for my benefit because negativity is bad and caring so much for non-sensible things aren't good. I want to be free of any guilt of any distractions. I just need to be the old me. The plain girl who is afraid to give her opinion. The girl who has her mind on her head. I need to heal myself and stop triggering negativity to one person. I need to appreciate people and see things positively. I need to get away from the wrong feelings and for giving wrong feedbacks. I need positivity and I need it now. I guess that what I will do.

I guess I will change for the better^_^

Birthdays and blues..

Happy Birthday to me!!! yippee!!! I am 24 single and happy. For the first time in four years I felt so alive so full of life so happy as many people have given me so much... not through their gifts but because they are there to celebrate another new year in my life. I am so blessed and happy to have such a wonderful life after so many hardships I had during the first months of this year and now the blessings are pouring in... while the heart aches and tears has been washed away... I am so thankful with the people I have right now in my life. Those who have left me I know have already served their purpose... I am happy with the experiences that I have for the past years but I am more than thankful now.
Happy birthday to me! I wished for many birthdays to come... more hardships... more failures.. more happiness... more successes and more blessings!
Thank you papa god for giving this to me. ^_^
I will always be thankful.

Both sides now...

Well I should have my birthday blues I should have been sad right? after so many years this is my first time to celebrate my birthday without a boyfriend. Oh! yeah some will say big deal?! but for me being in a four year relationship it is a big deal to celebrate my birthday and be totally happy with it without bitterness in the past.

I have never imagined that I will be super thankful instead of being bitter with everything that happened. Actually I feel so blessed why?

1. I have a loving family who is a crazy bunch
2. I have my loyal friends around me giving me support
3. I have a wonderful career


What more could I ask for? But I guess Im still not yet complete and God is still molding me to be the person that he wants me to... I am following him and I will trust him on this one.

He have saved me for more than a few times of troubles, confusion and heartbreak. And for everything I will forever be thankful that he is with me.

Feelings.

I felt I am in heaven for the whole week. However, I am totally confused of what should I feel and how should I react with the feelings. I want friends na pede kong kwentuhan about this guy that I find so sweet and so nice. Though I havent seen him. I just have the best conversation I have in months with this guy and yet I told him that I just want friendship with the relationship. He is nice. He is a good cook. He knows household chores as in! ahaha. Yes! He is a man. My god, I dont know what should I do I think I have found my someone. But I am still thinking if it is right. It seems right though. Now I am confused on what to think. Hay... ano ba to nakakatawa naman as in super. I want to have a sweet friend and yet I am hindering myself na maging sweet sa kanya kahit clear na friends lang talaga kame. Hay... nakakatakot!....

I am happy yet I am scared and I want to cry...

Ok I met this awesome guy and I am starting to like him like him and he said he likes me too but how can I be sure that I am the only one that he is after? we are not really familiar with each other.

Back to basics

Hmmm... what?! I am a girl.. I like make-ups! From the most expensive to the cheapest. I been addicted to make-up labels such as Avon, Maybelline and etc. I loved the Nichido eyeliners, I have it in different colors. I have so many different lip glosses and lipsticks from Avon, lip balms from Skin Foods. Have tried the foundations and face powder of Maybelline and Face Shop. I have blushes of Careline. I have tried Ellana and Elegant Minerals mineral makeup.

But you know what? I have learned that no matter what brand, what makeup you choose to have, this will not make you a better person or have a fairer facial skin unless you really wash your face before you go to sleep and when you take a bath. Also, you need to moisturizers that are chemically compatible with your skin type. These are the regimen for clearer fairer facial skin. While the recipe for having a better personality is to have a purpose or to have something to look forward to everyday. Having your family close by and friends to talk to. Mingling with different types of people, exercising your ass off and being happy without any reasons at all. These things are crucial to better understanding of yourself. People need other people to grow because people criticizes one another and through these criticisms, shortcomings are met.

Our goals should not only be to have a beautiful face, to have a wonderful boyfriend/husband, be successful in work or to be famous but to really serve god, to please him in one way or another. What we need now are people who are willing to share what talent God has given them. As you can see around the world, people who dare to share their talents are the one who are successful as they are doing what they are meant to do. They really didn't expect to be wealthy but since they are doing what they love to do and what they are MEANT to do, they are successful.
So what I really am trying to say here is if you really want a nice body, a nice home, a nice car, a successful life... what you need to do is go back to basics which is to think on pleasing GOD. When you think this way, you will be less stressful and you will live happily as you'll have a different perspectives. And don't they say happy people are the ones who are really attractive and most successful on them all?

Quotes from Bob Ong books

PAG-IBIG
"Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."
"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."
"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."
"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."
"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo… Dapat lumandi ka din."
"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."
"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."
"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."
"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?"
"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."
"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin!
Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay!
Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"
PAG-AARAL
"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."
"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka.
Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan..."
"Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."
"Dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung 'di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit. sobrang lugi. kung alam lang 'yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang
gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela."
BUHAY (IN GENERAL)
"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."
"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."
"Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."
"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi.
Wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon.
Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"
"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."
HALO-HALO
"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance.
Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."
"ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko."
"hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"
"hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. "
"Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa'yo - ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao."
"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."
"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."
"Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala."
"iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala."
"iba ang informal gramar sa mali!!!"
" Para san ba ang cellphone na may camera? Kung kailangan sa buhay un, dapat matagal na kong patay."
"Pare, isa kang totoong tao at walang halong kasinungalingan. In English, FACT you, pare. Totoo ka. In English, FACT you!"

Hay....

Argh!!!! napakaunfair ng life naiinis ako super ang unfair nya! bakit puro sagit na lang puro sagit ano ba yan! naiinis na ako nahihirapan na ako kelangan ko nga siguro mag lie low at mag dahan dahan sa mga pinaggagawa ko at mag papayat un na muna ang atupagin ko at mag ipon ng pera para sa pamilya ko? hay...

grabe akala ko meron na... wala pa din pala...

Just want to have fun.

There now my pc is infected by a virus because of downloading... Argh!!!! I just want to watch a movie! A movie from a source like youtube.. and now what they just infected my pc!!!! argh! this is really too much! Now instead of watching movie... I am scanning my pc for viruses.... worms... and most of all spywares... oh bummer!

Pressured....

Waaaaaaaaaa there are so many things to finish... so many things to do... so many deadlines... I dont know what to do... I want to cry... I want to laugh... I want to scream... then I want to shut up... Argh! life is really such a pain when you are so stressed out but so much fun when you are relaxed... Well! Life is really a contradicting force after all.

GF and BF

Well... well before I have a boyfriend and we had a relationship for 4 years. It was ok at first then it turned out sour. Maybe because I mature or maybe because we both change I dont know. Then one day he just left me without even saying goodbye, before I knew it he has another girlfriend. While me I have no idea what was coming until it hit me. I was totally devastated that it crushed me to the ground. I almost took my life because of it. But I have realized that I am more stronger than my problems.

Now, after 10 months, I can say that I have grown smarter, more mature and stronger than before. I am single but I am happy being one. I could say that I am more complete than before and I enjoyed life better. Though I am not really closing my door if someone will come along and accept me for what I am today.

I guess I will not bend to anyone unlees I am sure that the person will be my husband or we are engaged. haha...

Matchmaker... Fun or not?

Hmmm... I couldn't believe it! I started matching making my friends! This started yesterday when one of my friends ask if I could match him to someone and I did think of somebody to match him with... now I am chatting with an old officemate who is also looking for someone and I did just the same though I dont know what will be the reaction of my friend as she is currently sleeping today. Well... I gotta find out later cause I will call her at the office and ask if it is ok.


Argh! bummer and I dont even have a guy on my own! Where the heavens does my prince charming is hiding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I need you badly you know!? hahaha! Just joking!

In saying goodbye and having a closure.

Tonight by FM Static


I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questionsall about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look upand know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen inand the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss youI can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss youI can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

Realizations. Purpose. Journey.

Right now I am reading the purpose driven life and I have been thinking of one thing since then. It is not about living for yourself but living according to God's will.

It's so weird when I started reading it I felt goosebumps all over my body and I felt serene. It felt so right reading it this time. Yeah, you read it correctly... reading it this time. This is because there are so many times that I almost buy the book and even borrowed it from my aunt but never really read it. It triggered my headache, promise! So i stop reading it before I complete a whole page. But now, somehow I felt its so right, its so light to read and the good part is there are no headache at all.

I think the main lesson here is "there is always a time for everything". A time to be solemn. A time to be glad. A time to love and a time to heal our hearts. A time to make mistakes and a time to make amends.

I think this is what people need to learn... to take time and smell the roses. Sometimes we are so busy with our lives that we have complicated everything. We are so impatient to what will happen next that we try to fast forward eveything and yet in return we haven't got anything at all but bigger complications.... bigger problems. Then at the end of the day we realize that this is not what we want... this is not what we picture it to be. So we escape, we run and we pretend that we are happy. Then we become hollow... we become stiff... we become not contented... we become purposeless.

I guess what we all want is fulfillment not success nor fame. I guess this is where our journey starts... its in finding our purpose... in finding our truest passion.

Cannon...

Well as of this moment I am so damn addicted with the cannon mp3 attached to this blog because its so soothing and it calm's my soul. Try it it will soothe you too. ^_^

Done at long last!!

Now... now I know its girlie and stuff but no fussing over it thats how I want it to be... simple, colorful and so me... haha! well readers I am here to share some parts of my life and some lessons that I may have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy your visit here in my blog.

Argh my first

Nice totally nice... this is my first time to blog and yet I didn't know what to do with my site. I am a complete idiot... I am trying my best here to change the layout of my blog and yet nothing is happening!!! Argh!!! I need to study this thing in order for me to work accordingly... YOU may be laughing your heart out and yet my head is bleedingly aching! Damn it! ok back to changing my layout again. I hope this time I will be successful!

August 24, 2008

Arrrrrrgggggggggh… wala na burado ng lahat ang old mp3s ko kahit ung stars are blind ung mga kung ano anog kaeklavuhan ko 24 na naman so meaning signus na ito na I need to refresh start clean. Start to pick up the pieces of my life where I let it off and go on my jolly ways. So eto na maghahanap na ako ng contentment in everything that I do. I need to do this or else indi na talaga ako makakapagmove on diba? I need to do this to be fair with my soulmate/future husband/future boyfriend. Dahil kung indi ko gagawin ang pag kalimut sa nakaraan kong feelings para kay coki patuloy pa din itong manunurture. I am starting to be happy now to forget about my last relationship. Gusto kong sabihing failed but then again would a learning experience be considered as a failure? I don’t think so… I am smartert, stronger and choosy now because of that I think I am ready to become a lady now.

April 27, 2008

Hay wala na ung number nya. Pinaghirapan ko un ha!? Ano ba yan back to zero na naman ang lola mo. Walang alam na kung ano sa kanya. Ewan ko kung nabuking na ako pero wala naman din akong pakialam eh kahit na mabuking ako. All I want is to be friends with the guy mali na indi ako nagpakilala pero do I have any other choice? Well ok lang whatever I should have been honest edi sana ngaun ok kame. One week na lang mawawala na sila pero cge cool lang whatever. Ngaun eto sagutan na naman ewan ko ba bonding na ata sa bahay namin ang magsigawan eh. Hay, nakakapagod ang makipag away lalo na kapag lola mo ung kasagutan mo. Napapagod na ako. Sa totoo lang parang nawawala na ung lakas ng loob ko. Gusto ko lang naman mapalapit sa kanya eh. Mali ba un? Sana mabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na makilala sha.

April 23, 2008

Hay malapit na naman pala ang monthsary naming ng ex ko 24 na bukas ang bilis ng panahon pero bat ganun noh? Eto pa din ako indi ko pa din sha mapalitan ganun ba talaga kapag nag mahal ka ng totoo?

Eto na naman ako indi na ako natuto. Nasasaktan ako kay ******* bakit kaya ganun noh? Sobrang like ko sha na parang indi ko na sha maalis sa sistema ko? Tapos ang dami pang factors na pinaglalayo kame. Nalulungkot ako sobra pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko? Syempre I need to let go naman the feelings kc I don’t think that he will like me. Super asshole sha sa text so naaapektuhan ako kc nahihiya akong lumapit sa kanya at baka sungitan nya lang din naman ako. Ayokong mag – hi nor mag say goodbye kc tiyak dudurugin ako ng mga kasama ko. Nakakatawa noh? Parang ako naman din ang may kasalanan kung bakit nagging ganto ang lahat kc pinagkalat ko. Pero ngayon indi ko alam kc nasasaktan ako eh at the same time parang napapaisip ako kung tama nga ba ang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko? Parang mali na? parang ako na naman ang dehado. Malas ko lang gwapo ang napili ko at model pa! Hay...

Ashie Signing on

Alathea signing on.
Tick… Tock… hmmm what should I say?...
I’ve done so many blogs in the past
til now I haven’t maintained anything yet…
But here it goes…

Everything was fine with my life until the day we broke up…

I was so devastated that I even go to our kitchen, get the knife and thought of cutting myself but guess what? I am stronger. I didn’t cut myself. I am stronger than my problem… that facing and solving a problem is just a part of life. I shouldn’t give up just because I have been broken. It was months ago since that incident happen and I could say I am fine now. Thanks to my family and friends. They did help me a lot in overcoming this phase in my life.

Now, I realize that loving someone whole heartedly is not a crime but loving too much is bad. Giving your attention, your time, investing efforts in one person who one day will throw it all back to you sucks but I guess its part of growing up thing because you will never mature unless you get hurt. You will never understand unless you love. You will never be strong unless you learn to move on.

Before I was afraid of being alone, I was very afraid that’s why I tried to be the best so that he will not leave but the more I tried to be the perfect someone… the more I was being neglected. Feeling like a trash in his life is not good on one’s ego… I even beg him to stay… he did but still leave me in the end. That time I thought life was so unfair but now, it’s just an experience for me and nothing more, nothing less.

I must confess I am now having a crush on someone who did not know I even existed. I want to get to know him first and be friends with him. I am considering in getting him for myself as a potential lover in the future but first I need to know him. I need to get close to him or else I wouldn’t entertain the thought. This time around I want to do it right. I want to do it slow. ^_^