Feeling drab? put on some feathers and L♥Ve

Since this monday this week, I have been feeling drab and lazy! So since today was technically last day of work for this year then I have decided to spice up my checkered blue boyfriend shirt and jeans with these feather earrings.

Then to make me remember that tis the season to give love and have some fun while doing it. I have decided to wear a connector ring with the season's motto!

Isn't it fun that small things such as accessories could actually change your mood from drab to a festive feeling? I like how small thing creates a difference in your outlook in a day to day basis. I believe that this concept also applies in life.

I can see that life has been created complicated but these complications helps us see the true value of simple things. If you will notice most things in life that will make us truly happy are the ones that cannot be bought by money nor sold in stores. Appreciating life really comes from within and to do it is to be grateful first. Once you have notice the great things in your life in simple packages then the change in your outlook will begin to be positive. The days would be brighter and lighter. Let us always remember that life still has given us more reasons to smile than frown. So count your blessings and not your problems. Always remember to smile(●⌒∇⌒●)

Merry Xmas everyone!

 

Shocked

How can someone feel so unloved, disrespected and uncared for all in one time? Honestly, I am crying inside today as I feel those things all at the same time. I feel that the person I love don't even respect me, did not even warn me that someone I do not yet wish to see is actually in the same event as me. I feel violated and trapped. I am not prepared on how to react. Now, I felt that I want to break the relationship. I am already insecure about his love and then I will see him and that someone when I am not emotionally unprepared. I don't like what they did to me I just wish that someone who is wise enough have told him to warn me. I feel not ok. I am not fine. I am tired of waiting that this someone that I love would love me back. Today, I stopped reaching out. I stopped running after him. Today, I am letting him free and giving him a choice to run after me.

What I have today

O well, I woke up this morning feeling recharge. My eyes automatically popped open and was ready to rock! I thought I would gonna run around the place so I choose these babies to help me cushion my feet.

This is an Adidas high cut sneakers and its very colorful. I was hoping that the color would make my day bright and wonderful. However, today I just do some documents and office stuff. No running around yet. Maybe tomorrow or a little bit later when I really need to go home fast as not to get caught up with the bumper to bumper traffic jam. Or might be I can run on my treadmill as I want to attain my 26 inch waist line (grinning widely). Think I can run towards my happiness too? Lets see... I think I am one step closer to finding my niche and passion. I will update but today I feel light and giggly. Or this is just SUGAR RUSH!!!! as ate just ate too many sweets! haha! Till tomorrow.

Dreams and Realities

I am crazy, witty and fun. I love adventures. I love mystery. I love the fear of the unknown but heck these things does not reflect with the life I am living. As I search for the happiness that eluded me for so long the more I sweep myself in misery. There are choices that I thought would make my life splendid but truth be told reality strike and found myself stuck in a rut. I am not living a glamorous life that once I have dream of having. I wish there are things in life that will let you preview the consequences of every decision you make so that you will know better instead of listening to those who said they know better. I have not yet find my niche in this world nor the adventure that would let me throw all the hesitation and fears into the air and dive on it. I am still a basket case somehow. Afraid of anything unknown. However, as I feel the cold air of -ber months, as I breathe it, I somehow started to dream of something so mundane, something out of reach but somehow I want to know If I can do it.

You want to know what dream it is? I want to become happy in the truest sense. I think everyone can relate to me as everyone has been searching also for this for so long and yet it is so slippery. I once thought that I have grasp the hold of happiness but slowly as time goes by, as weeks passed by, my happiness slowly slips out of my grip and I would be in my room thinking what I have done to be in misery again. This dream is a personal thing. This is my journey in finding the happiness for myself and finding my niche that could fire up my passion for life and will teach me how to fly in sneakers, high heels, sandals and slippers.

Happiness

Masaya ako today kahit inaantok ako parang may kakaibang energy na nananalaytay sa aking mga dugo kung saan may parang enerhiya ako na masaya ako. Paano kahit halos 2 weeks irritable sha sa akin or kasi dahil may ginagawa sha at indi nya matapos ay bumawi naman sha kagabi at bonggang nakapag unli at walang humpay na tawag ng tawag sa akin. Nakakatuwa kasi kahit anong mangyari ako pa din ang inuuna nya ako pa din ang iniintindi nya nasabi ko na ang trauma ko at naintindihan nya ako walang makakapantay sa pagiintindi sa taong iyon. Sa pangkalahatan kahit ano pang mangyari sa amin kampante shang sa kanya ako babalik kasi alam niyang kaya niya ako intindihin at ako naman ay ganun din sa kanya. Napag usapan na namin ng masinsinan napagdiskusyonan na ng tama at ako ay masaya sa mga nangyayari masasabi kong kuntento ako.

 

Service.

I express my love through service. I give my all to the person I love. Even if sometimes I can no long tolerate the bratty things that my loved ones is doing. But I think that is the unique quality that I have. I can make a person feel special because of what I am doing for that person though most of the time my service is not appreciated and it damn well hurts. I am a crybaby so when I remember this it makes me teary eyed. But come to think of it service is what makes me happy. Service is my form of giving love or giving back to those who appreciate me so I guess I must not become tired of doing this. And I think I should get back with my spiritual job too as well I think its about time to serve again and party. With all the things happening with the people I love and the great things that they are receiving from papa God then I guess, I really need to payback.

Today

I just want to stop eating. So full. :(

Inspirado.

I am so inspired today! I am so happy talking with my friends. They make me feel life. They make me think. They make me appreciate life more. I am so blessed to have friends who will support me. I am so grateful and honored to have friends who have passion. Friends who will not judge you but encourages you. Thank you lord for the inspiration.

Napapaisip

Minsan, napapaisip ako kung ano na nga ba ang gusto ko? Sa totoo lang gusto ko magkaron ng work na makakasustento sa akin hanggang sa tumanda ako. Gusto maging Ina. Gusto ko mag karon ng pamilya at asawa na maiintindihan ako. Gusto ko ng pamilya na susuportahan ako. Sa ngayon nalulungkot ako dahil minsan nararamdaman ko na minamaliit ako ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Minamaliit nila ang mga desisyon na pinili ko. Ipinamumukha nila na mababaw lang ang gusto ko. Ang sa akin lang naman gusto ko ng simpleng buhay. Kung sa kanila indi sapat iyon edi sana wag na lang nilang insultuhin ang gusto ko sa buhay. Nakakalungkot kapag pinamumukha sayo na hindi mataas ang pangarap mo. Parang naiisip ko tuloy kahit kelan indi naman ako nang insulto ng pangarap o desisyon ng tao. Bakit kelangan na kapag nagkakasakitan ako ang pinagmumukhang indi marunong maisip? Siguro nga simple lang akong tao at simple lang ang gusto ko pero sana naman wag nyo laitin ang desisyon ko. Ganto kasi ako eh. Ganto ang gusto kong mundo. SIMPLE.

Away.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman nun nagkasagutan kami. Nung isang gabi nag away na naman kami. Nasabihan na naman ako ng makulit. Alam ko naman eh dahil sa insecurities ko na naman kaya nagkakaganun. Feeling ko kasi lagi shang maagaw ng iba. Alam ko mali ang nararamdaman ko. Alam ko may pagkukulang ako. Siguro marahil dapat bigyan ko ulit ng pagmamahal ang sarili ko.

Sa totoo lang, iniwan ko phone ko kahapon sa bahay namin para wag sha maitext. Ito na din ang way ko para wag sha makulit. Ang nakakatuwang parte dito ay sha naman ang text ng text. Siguro alam nya din ang mga sinabi nya sa akin. Nag usap kami kahapon ng gabi at nakapag paliwanag na sha ng side nya, ako din nakapagpaliwanag na din. Sabi ko na nga ba may sakit sha. Ganun naman sha kapag meron shang dinaramdam. Sabi nya sa akin pasensha na daw kasi masama daw pakiramdam nya tas sumabay pa ako.

Alam ko marami pang times na maiirita sha sa akin dahil sa kakulitan ko at sa kakitidan ko minsan ng utak. Parang kagabi lang nag busy lang ang phone nya nairita na naman ako. Aminado naman ako na selosa ako pero para sa kanya handa na ako magbago.

Ngayon nga kahit gustong gusto ko na sha kulitin pinipigilan ko na sarili ko kasi pano ka mawawalan ng trust sa taong pinapakita sayo na katiwa-tiwala sha? Kaya malamang kelangan ko ulit magbago at mag shift ng paradigm para tumagal at tumino ang relasyon namin.

Mahal ko sha walang pikit mata kong sasabihin sa buong mundo. Bakit? dahil sa simpleng dahilan na kaya nya akong intindihin kahit na minsan ako mismo indi ko maintindihan sarili ko.

Check list to have a great year

Here are my checklist for a happier new year! I hope I am not yet late in posting this as it is already half the year. Will edit this with comments after I have accomplished one of these tasks. This is all for now.

1. Laugh with inspiring friends at least once a week or more

2. Have Mentors in the most important areas of your life

3. Walk 30 minutes a day

4. Use your talents for God by serving in a ministry

5. Invest 20% of your income every month

6. Read one inspiring book a month

7. Cut TV watching to the barest minimum (Zero is a good number)

8. Limit newspaper reading to 5 minutes or less a day

9. Take vacations often

10. Eat fruits for breakfast

11. Always have a salad for lunch and dinner

12. Start a business (or improve your business) this year

13. Always be grateful to God and others

14. Always live by your deepest values

15. Spend time with God everyday

16. Play with your kids at least once a day (If you don’t have any, borrow.)

17. Have a weekly date with your spouse (If you don’t have any, don’t borrow!)

18. Date your parents regularly

19. Before you sleep, remove all anger by forgiveness

20. Be the kindest person you can be

21. Find your passion and live it fully

22. Give more hugs (and receive as many)

23. Listen to understand, not to reply

24. Celebrate more often

25. Put people over projects

26. Enjoy quiet and solitude

27. Always give 10% of your income to God

28. Keep dreaming

Copied from http://goragirl.blogspot.com/2011/01/from-bro-bo-29-simple-things-you-can-do.html and originally from http://bosanchez.ph/29-simple-things-you-can-do-to-have-a-fantastic-2011/

Usap

Bago na bf ko ngayon. Nagbreak na kami nung isa ung dati sa 2006. Bale ba he walk away. Anyways, enough of that. Gusto ko ngayon ikwento yung Angel ko ngayon. Si Angel ang bago kong bf bale ba isang taon na kami. So far, masaya yung relation. Gusto ko nang ienjoy kasi napatunayan na nyang kaya nya ako maintindihan. Mahal ko sha. Saktong mahal lang kasi kapag nabasa nya to at nalaman nyang sobra, tiyak! may sermon na naman ako sa kanya katulad kagabi, may ginawa akong kagaguhan. Bale ba nakatulog sha at inakala kong iniisnub nya lang ako at ayaw kausapin. Ayun, warla mode ako ang daming text at miscalls. Nakatulog na ako nun pero nun magising ako may mga sagot na sha sa text ko at masasakit din un kasi ang dami masasakit na salita ang nagmula sa akin tungo sa kanya at sa kanya sa akin. Nung una nagtext ako sa kanya kung pede kami mag usap tapos parang ayaw niya pero nun tumawag na ako tapos nakapagkwentuhan na kami ayun! kahit lobat na ung kanyang cellphone nagawa nya pa din makipagkwentuhan sa akin. Saya nga eh grabe he is really a boyfriend to me because he explain things and make me understand stuff that sometimes I am immature about. He is over my league but still he was engaging and attentive with what I want and what I do and how I react. He compliments me and I compliment him in return. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas na kahit masama ugali ko kaya pa din nyang sabayan. Im so thankful with our usap this morning (kasi 1:30-3:30, May 13 2011). Masaya kasi he gave me what I crave for and he entertained me. Kilala nya ako and I guess, I should stop being paranoid and crazy for he really knows and understands how I tick. All smiles for you my Angel. Thank you so much.


Crazy gal...

Passions

I just finished reading Ms. Liz Uy's interview with a cosmo staff. The article is about how Liz Uy became a stylist. I was amaze that she never expected to be in the industry but it is her passion.

Now, as I am thinking for myself. I keep on asking what is my passion? What makes me think and become ecstatic? How come in the 7 years that I am working I dont really find that sense of fulfilment? Then realization hit me while I am writing this entry. My passion is writing, eating, selling and anything about creating.

I remember loving the codes in creating a website. I remember how writing keeps my brain awake, keep me smiling from ear to ear. I remember being childlike when eating a yummy cake. I remember my first time selling my mom's cake in our mini bakery years ago. I remember helping an uncle of my dad in sari-sari store when we were in Batangas. He was amaze with how I sell things.

Now, my question is how come I took this long to realize that I have a gift ? I thought that I am a plain Jane until I started writing this blog. I dont know how will this realization affect me but somehow, I am slowly knowing who I am.

Today.

the picture above is from http://pohetree.wordpress.com/2011/03/

Well today was a typical day for me. Mainit, sobrang init ngayon sa Pilipinas. Grabe halos kahit nasa aircon ka na pinagpapawisan ka pa din. Masakit sa ulo ung init so wala ako sa mood pero at least mejo productive pa naman hay... wala lang. Today lang gusto ko ng pink lipstick naglagayna ako kaninang umaga, ngaun naman gusto ko ng nude lipstick. Ang gulo tlaga ng utak ko at indi ko minsan alam ang gusto ko hehehe.

Minsan.

Kapag ganitong mga panahon na lagi ako nagiisip at nag aalala parang ito ung time na kelangan ko talaga ng bakasyon. Isang bakasyon kung saan mapapahinga talaga ako, yung tipong may magandang dagat tapos nakahiga lang ako sa buhangin at langoy lang ng langoy. Kapag gusto ko na kumain may isang waiter na maghahahain ng pagkain ko. Gusto ko din sumakay ng eroplano para naman mabago ang aking pag tingin sa mundo. Siguro kapag nakasakay ako sa eroplano mas maappreciate ko ang mga ulap at bughaw na kalangitan. Hay, sarap siguro magbakasyon paminsan minsan lang.

Birthdays

Today is grandma's birthday and she is already 79. I am so happy as she is getting stronger everyday. We will have a dinner tonight at home. A simple get together. We will have spaghetti, mechado, pork barbecue and buko salad. This will be a great night! I will enjoy myself and tomorrow, well burning of fats will be the subject of the day. Teehee! ^_^

Answers

Before I was asking god, why do I have to feel this pain? Am I not a good person? When will my prince come? Will I ever meet my soul mate? Then BOOM! 2010 has come. God answered my prayer and questions, when he delivered my prince to me.

It was a boring day and I don't know what to do. My friend who always accompanies me to the mall have left and I don't know where to contact her or if she is available that time. So, the bored me decided to just play a pc game. The moment I reboot my computer, my mobile phone rang and I received a message from an old friend. He asked me how I am, how is my life as we have lost communication for over 2 years already. I couldn't believe that he still remembers me and still considers me as a close friend since we have not gotten any connections for a long period of time. After chatting sometime, he asked me if he could court me and I allow him to.

To be honest, I am not ready to have a boyfriend that time since I know that I am not yet complete and still enjoys the single life that I have found. Yep! you read it right the girl who is aggressively looking for a partner has enjoyed being single! Yes! it was fun being single!

Then days passed and I started liking him more. Well, actually I do liked him two years ago when we were still close but sadly I am still committed to my ex-bf that falling in love with him is a bad idea. I never thought that he will be the one but then he was there asking me to be his girl.

Funny, that I never thought that he would come my way. That he will be the one who will not only fill the void but also created a larger space in my life. He is not just a lover but also a friend. He will never know how much healing he has done in my life and yet he continuous to do so by his simple gestures due to concern. I love him more than he will know and more that I could show. I guess this was the answer to my prayer and the reason things has to be experienced before. I am smiling now. I am contented. I am enjoying myself. We have already surpass our one year and still counting. I cant wait to unfold what adventure we will have next. ^_^

Unknown Reasons

Before I ever begin blogging, I was in a state of shocked due to my break up with my 4 years boyfriend. I am looking desperately for another man to fill in the space he has left me with. That space was so void and hallow that my soul cries for someone to fill it in. Until now when I remember that void, tears still sting my eyes. It was a hurtful event that leave me so devastated that until now I can feel its impact on me. Maybe, I did really love him that much to feel such pain that remembering it still makes me cry. Sometimes, when we face such thing that we don't know if we ever come out victorious are the ones that make our life change 360 degrees. But then again, when we faced these things the best thing to do is turn to god and have faith that there is a reason behind it all. As the saying goes, "Everything has its reasons".

Funny

I cant believe that it has already been 3 years since I started blogging about my thoughts, my fears, my angst, my headaches, my happiness and my success. Many has changed in my life since 2008. I started serving God in 2009 and promise to myself to have a relationship in 2010 which happened as I did got myself a boyfriend that until now we are going stronger. Yeah, life is good but not that good. My third brother have been married last July 2010. I almost got a niece but she died even before she sees the world. Well, its so hard and sad trial but we must move on right? Then came cloud the cute shi tsu. He is the baby now in our family. I am happy to read my past blogs. I energizes me. It helps me know what I am 2 years ago and the funny thing is I have a lot of sense and sadness before. I did have a lot of questions like where is my prince charming and if I will ever even move on.

Today, as I am writing this entry. I did have an answer to my questions and yeah, god really do have a bright plan for me. He did answer my prayers.