RIGHT NOW

I don't know why but I feel tired and deprived. Well I am really tired for that matter as I have attended last saturday's destination wedding but you must note that I am very happy attending that event. This week was not so eventful even though its just monday. I felt that I need to have good chat with a friend and a glass or two of cocktails. For one, I don't really do this but I think I need the cocktail to unwind. The wedding was so overwhelming for my system. Its actually creating havoc with my emotions and logic. Maybe, I just wanted a good laugh, an outing with loved ones perhaps so that these emotions would go away. I don't like this feeling that swirling in my whole system.

 

It's like cloud hazily looming over my logic. This feeling that I also need to tie the knot and pressure my boyfriend to ask for my hand. Though, personally I don't really want to do it. I don't want YET to be married. I don't want YET to get hitched! Yes, I do love babies. I love kids but NOT now. Not now, when my youngest brother would soon graduate and I would have owned my life. I would have my single life in full blast! I want to enjoy first myself without thinking about responsibilities. I want first to feel free. I want to feel that I am not tied to anything. I want to get a hold of myself for the moment without someone telling me that I have to do this and do that.

 

Maybe, I am a free soul. Someone who will never be chained to something. Someone who would always want to fly free. Someone who is strong enough to be her own women but would also want someone to be there when she crash land or someone to hold while doing everything that she does. But RIGHT NOW I don't want YET to have that someone who will catch me when I crash land or hold me while doing everything. What I want RIGHT NOW is to crash land on my own. To do everything without someone holding me back. That is what I want and I know deep down that this is not the right time for me to wed even if the world around me is evolving and everyone is ready to tie the knot. I don't want to be put in a commitment wherein I am not really sure if it is for me. Maybe, if the right one or the one that I have would evolve to let me see that its alright to give my life to him then maybe this feeling of uncertainty would go away.